The Great Yaoi Muffin
by DJ Kouji-slice
Summary: What happens to a Yu-gi-ho character when they take a bite of "The Great Yaoi Muffin" Funny events await with our first pairing... KaibaXJonouchi!


The Great Yaoi Muffin!!! 

Disclaimer... Yu-gi-oh and all its respected characters belong to its rightful maker, who is not me, is not going to be me, and would be really scary if they were me because I'm me and they are them and I'm awsome. They're just more.

Other Disclaimer... Holiday Inn, cheese-its, and anything else brand-named does not belong to me either.

Jonouchi ran down the sidewalk, obviously away from something, yelling vulgar and cocky remarks back at his predators. But before he got far and bumped into a certain C.E.O. of a luxourious company. They fell to the ground, Jonouchi toppiling on the man. Kaiba gave him a suprised look. Jonouchi then let out a scream and jumped around in panic complaining about "Kaibacooties". Kaiba kicked off Jonouchi calling him a mutt and mumbling "disgusting" while dusting himself off. Then there was a light. Jonouchi did a little cute "Oooh Ahhh" forceing Kaiba to elbow him in the side. The light... then spoke...

"HOLA! ESTOY EL GRANDE YAOI EL MUFFINO!"   
"What the crap did that just say!?" Jonouchi yalped in startle.   
Kaiba put his hand to his mouth, coughed, and spoke, "I'm guessing, 'Hello, I am the great Yaoi muffin', but I speak German so I wouldn't count on it."   
Jonouchi them gobbled the muffin with one swift "Chomp!"   
"OH DIOS! EL DOLOR!!! MI BAZO!!!!!!!"   
"WTF ARE YOU DOING!? Don't eat it!" ,Kaiba howled.   
Jonouchi then gave a little burp. "Shit."

Jonouchi thoughts raced with love. To himself he pondered...

The... the beauty... those glimmering, angry eyes. Crashing blue of the thundering clouds, the waves of the fierce ocean. Fluttering bangs, almond hair, long, slender legs... so thin, fair, and pure. Longated neck, firm with muscle, yet smooth and supple. Promise to self: TAP THAT $$

"Um... Jonouchi why are you looking at me as if your about as straight as a rainbow?" ,Kaiba said in fear. They stared blankly at eachother.   
"You... YOU HUNK OF MAN MEAT YOU! TAKE ME!" ,Jonouchi glomped Kaiba.   
Kaiba shrieked a girly scream.   
"Hey big bro- hey whats going on here!?" ,Mokuba exclaimed, walking into the scene.   
"Its- its not what it looks like!"   
"sure... right... thats what you said last time when I caught you with one of your secretaries-"   
Jonouchi then shouted to Kaiba, "MAY I COMPARE THEE TO A SUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM!?"   
Kaiba then kicked Jonouchi off, grabed hold of a rope-like ladder comming from a helicopter and flew away"   
Jonouchi sobed.

Later that day at the Kaiba residence...

Mokuba leaned his back against a wall and shook his shoulders untill he was adjusted comfortably. He cirked one eyebrow and asked, "So how was he last night?"   
"Mokuba! I told you not to talk to my suspisously attractive secrataries!" ,Kaiba scowled.   
Mokuba then drew a sweat drop from the side of his head, "But I was talking to-"   
Suddenly, the phone rang.   
"Hello?" ,Kaiba asked through the line.   
The voice on the phone then spoke, "Hello, Kaiba Seto, did you know theres a duelest tournament tonight and Mutou Yugi will be attending?"   
"like I care- hey wait- YUGI you say!? Where!?" ,Kaiba said in questionable ineterest.   
There was then silence, but it was broken by a small cough, then more silence.   
"Um... The Holiday Inn..." ,the voice muttered.   
"The holiday in?" ,Kaiba asked.   
"Uh... yeah... room 69", then there was a long 'beep'ing. The room was silent, the atmosphere blank, and Kaiba slowly set down the phone in complete and utter silnce. Then an exicited and determined look broke his solid face with a chuckle.   
"What? excited that he'll 'feel the power of your Obelisk'?" ,Mokuba sarcasticaly questioned.   
"Watch over the whorehouse-" ,Kaiba then coughed, "I mean my office while I'm gone!" ,and Mokuba watched as he ran out the door, frolicing his long legs.

At the Holiday in...

Kaiba harshly knocked his tightly curled fist on the door, "A'IGHT BEYOTCH! C'MON N' GIT WUTZ CUMMIN TEW YEW FOSHIZZLE!"   
A few people passing by had sweat drops grow on the sides of their heads.   
Kaiba then lifted his fist to his mouth and gave a little 'ahem', "I mean, Yugi Mutoh open up! I've come to indulge to you the awsome power of my Obelisk!"   
Then the people passing by started to walking faster away.   
The door then slowly creeked open.   
"Um... do you need some oil for you door- ACK-" ,Kaiba was then pulled into the room.   
Then noises came from the room, "THUMP THUMP! BAD DOGGY! THUMP THUMP!"

The next morning...

The sun beamed through the windows, highlighting Jonouchi's blond hair. His eye squinted open and his mind thought with question, "Ugh... where am I? Holiday Inn?"   
The then looked over and saw Kaiba, thus hollaring very loudly and wakeing the once slumbering man.   
Kaiba then put his finger over Jonouchi's lips, "hush. hush honey. The nieghbors might hear you... even though they probably heard a lot more last night-"   
"WHAT IN GAWDS NAME ARE YOU DOING IN BED WITH ME NAKED- and I mean NOTHING! Not even a sheet sheesh... " ,Jonouchi question, very afraid of the answer.   
"Wait... but I thought... well all I can remember is everything."   
Jonouchi then looked at him blankly and petheticaly.   
"Oh, well atleast after I felt your lips lift from mine and then you wispered sweet nothings to me and said I was the hotest slice of man-chew you could ever smothered in your own bodial persperant... DUN U LUFF MEH!?" ,Kaiba cried.   
Jonouchi then got up, putting his cloths on quickly and praying that he wasn't sober.   
"NO WAIT MY DARLING! MY LOVE!" ,Kaiba cried out, but it was to no avail. Kaiba sobed.

The next day, while Jonouchi was walking down the sidewalk...

Jonouchi whistled cheerfully at this brisk and new day, but to his suprise and present lay on the ground, "-HOLY NUTNARDS BATMAN! Its... its a trail of... CHEESE-ITS! (eats first cheese-it) oh look another one! (eats second cheese-it) oh look another! (eats third cheese-it, and fourth, and so-on, untill at the front of the Kaiba residence)"   
A bird then picked up the next cheese-it. "NO MY CHEESE-IT!" ,Jonouchi cried out in desperation.   
The bird then landed on the balcony of Kaiba's bedroom, clutching the cheese-it in its beak.   
Jonouchi was then determined, "MUST GET ME CHEESE-IT!" He ran into Kaiba's house, letting attack dogs hang by his butt and such. He then ran to the bedroom, fighting the burn from the lazers. Well actually... he is too stupid to feel pain it seems. He then walked slowly up to the balcony.   
"Here birdybirdybirdy... gimme chee-" , the door then slamed and alerted Jonouchi to spin around.   
The bird then flew away with the cheese-it...

...Jonouchi feel to the ground, his knees diged into the carpet from the wieght of his greif. He looked up to the sky with horrified sadness in his eyes. His world crumbled within his soul as his hands trembled open above him. He saw the rays of the sun pour down on him as the silluete of the theif with his heart flew away. His head then rocked down in shame. His fingers curled to his palms and squeezed with the essence of his revenge flowing through his fingertips.   
"NOOO! DAMN YOU RECHID BIRD! I'LL HAVE MY VENGENCE- hey wait who shut the door-"

Kaiba then gave a smerky-type of look, but also devious, "Hello Jonouchi..."   
Jonouchi let out a scream as he was passionately tackled. Kaiba then gave him a big sloppy kiss.   
Kaiba then lifted his head, "oh jonouchi- HUH!? WTF!? AHHHH! HOW DID YOU GET UNDER ME!? Well you've always been under me- BUT NOT IN THIS WAY!" ,he threw himself up quickly.   
Jonouchi then looked at Kaiba with sparkleing eyes, "Kaiba... your... so.... beautiful..."   
Kaiba then gave a suprised and questionable look.   
"You make me feel... you make me feel..." ,Jonouchi began.   
"DON'T YOU DARE!" ,Kaiba warned him.   
"YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN!" ,shouted Jonouchi.   
"woman!" ,the secrataries sang.   
Kaiba screamed, clutching his ears for his life as he jumped off the balchony, only to find a supriseing visitor catch him.   
"HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET DOWN HERE SO FAST JONOUCHI!?" ,he shrieked.   
"ITS RAINING MEN! ALLELUYAH! ITS RAINING-" , Jonouchi then was inturupted.   
"NO! do NOT start that again!" ,Kaiba yalped jumping off Jonouchi and running away.   
Jonouchi sobed.

At the park where Kaiba escaped...

Kaiba sat on a bench calmly, yet a bit worn out. Then a little Blue-Eyes-White-Dragon plushied appeared, giveing Kaiba a cute look. Kaiba tried to ignore but then it looked cuter and cuter at him, eyes wideing and watering.   
"No... must... resist... the umbearable... cuteness... -AUGH!" ,Kaiba then leaped for the plushie. Unfourtanetly, the plushie scooted back and Kaiba landed on his face. He then noticed it was on a little RC toy car. Kaiba looked up in question, huffing a little 'What the-?'. The plushie then started to drive away.   
"No wait! Come back!" ,Kaiba cried, chaseing after the plushie.   
Kaiba then was in the front of Jonouchi's house, "Wait why am I-"   
The plushie started to drive away again.   
"No wait! Come back!" ,Kaiba cried out again, chaseing it all the way up to Jonouchi's room.   
The door then shut and lights went off. "Shit."   
"Welcome to my world Kaibaby..." ,a voice echoed.   
"Stay away from me Jonouchi- AH WHAT JUST FELT UP MY THIGH!?" ,Kaiba yalped. The voice then giggled.   
"Nooo! STAY OFF THE PROPERTY! THATS KAIBA CORP LISENCED AND-" ,Kaiba's voice then muffled.

Many struggles and muffled complaints later...

"Your so tasty and- WHA- AHHHH!!! NOT AGAIN! YOU SICK, SADISTIC-" ,Jonouchi shouted in suprise.   
"Oh Jonouchi... its you again... oh how I have longed to duel you..."   
"Really?"   
"Down and dirty" ,Kaiba stated.   
"AHH GET AWAY FROM ME! Must... find... lightswitch!" ,Jonouchi said in desperation.   
"Take me you beefy boy!" ,shouted Kaiba, clinging onto Jonouchi's ankles.   
Jonouchi tried to walk faster but realized he could just kick Kaiba off and run. So he did.   
And Kaiba sobed. Laying alone in the dark, lost for his love.

At the Motou gameing shop...

Yugi saw Jonouchi run in with his clothed all ripped up and bleeding a little. There was also a small cat clinging to his leg and scratching it up. Oh yeah and there were two small children trying to beat him with plastic bats, crying that he 'made sparky hit a truck and go bye-bye.' (seeing as there also was a dog leesh wraped around his other leg with blood on it. No 'he killed his own cousin!' jokes, k people? Especially you Kaiba)   
After Jonouchi was done crushing the kids in the front door, trying to make them go away already, Yugi ran up with a glass.   
"Oh my- look at you! Do you want something to drink?" ,Yugi proclaimed. Jonouchi snatched it quickly.   
"SPAT- What the crap is this stuff!?"   
"Geez you didn't have to spit it all over me. Anyways, it was love potion number nine so I guess thats okay if you spat-"   
A donout on the end of a fishing line then appeared, putting both in utter shock and silence.   
Jonouchi gave a little 'ooo...' following the donout.   
"You sure you wanna follow that?" ,Yugi asked. Jonouchi didn't listen though, probably because he was so amused by the fact it was jelly filled. Though after a long while of dazeing later, Jonouchi was to be found in Kaiba's bedroom. The door slamed hard supriseing Jonouchi.   
"Drooool- hey wait, whats going on!?"   
He then saw Kaiba swinging leather, wips, and chains in his hands.   
Jonouchi then sighed, "Not again..."

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Thanks for reading my fic! No really, I appriciate it!


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